Why did I start paying so much attention?

I started recording videos for myself when I started experiencing symptoms of depersonalization-derealization disorder (though I suffer more from derealization. .

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depersonalization-derealization-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20352911

Symptoms of derealization include:

  • Feelings of being alienated from or unfamiliar with your surroundings — for example, like you’re living in a movie or a dream
  • Surroundings that appear distorted, blurry, colourless, two-dimensional or artificial, or a heightened awareness and clarity of your surroundings
  • Distortions in perception of time, such as recent events feeling like distant past

The symptoms generally occur after experiencing trauma, and taking photos and videos has been a good way to ground myself when experiencing somewhat distressing symptoms.

Another thing that has been important to me is texture, so I think I may try to capture textures that have been useful in helping with my symptoms, as well as the ephemeral imagery.

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